I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
