Define "chronic" masturbator.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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