i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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