I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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