help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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