i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
