i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
