grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
