This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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