take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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