at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Farmville is her only friend.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
