Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
