I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
