If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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