I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Who died my cat blue again?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
