tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
