It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
