if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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