the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
