He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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