i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
