im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
