I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How does one acquire holy water?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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