Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
