best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
