3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
