He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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