i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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