Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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