She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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