All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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