don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
