community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
