just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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