you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
