My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
