Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
