Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
