I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
