In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
