I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
