Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
