Someone shit on the floor
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
