sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
