There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
