the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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