Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
