Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
