Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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