When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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