Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
