please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
