I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
