he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
