It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
