my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
