stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
