we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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