Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
