Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
