I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
