ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
