fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
MIDGETS
????
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
