Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
