I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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