it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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