I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
